I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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