I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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