i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
