I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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