Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
