I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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