Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize