Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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