My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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