I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
