Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
