I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
