she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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