i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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