A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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