Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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