Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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