i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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