you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize