I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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