1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
