What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
