You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
