even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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