Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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