would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
