Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
