so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
