I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
