i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
MIDGETS
????
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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