That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
