I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
