Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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