if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
