I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
