If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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