clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
