sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
