Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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