suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
