So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
