i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
