you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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