he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
