Im at strip club and am horny
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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