oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
