is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
