I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
