thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
