he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
