Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
