the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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