dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
