It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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