My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize