Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
