It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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