Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
