Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
