dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
