Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
