I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
