My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
